It is a well circulated persuasion that the grass is greener on the other side. I have personally lived under this assumption for many years, working toward tomorrow, living for those dreams that are just outside the grasp of my fingertips, yet very vivid to my imagination. While I think it is admirable to have lofty goals, I have begun to see the error in my aspirations to save the best China for special times. I have been impressed to begin living for the now.
Coulda, woulda, shoulda...I'm not one of those people who live with the "no regrets" mentality. I do have regrets in a lot of areas of my life, unfortunately. I don't (regularly) obsess about my choices and mistakes. I put forth great effort to live with balance and I'm pretty easy on myself, realizing that I am human and I will make the wrong decisions. Many times I have been found wanting and I didn't quite know what to do about it. I've been blessed to be happy by nature, slow to anger, very quick to forgive. (God is good.) I'm even tempered and strong, yet of a pleasing nature. I've made decisions based upon what I thought others would be pleased with and sometimes come out completely miserable with my circumstances. Begrudgingly I'll admit that I do follow the road to "shoulda" and envision how my life would have been grandiose and more fulfilling had I only made a different decision. I often take on too much because I'm eager and single (so of course my life is super easy! - another blog, another time) and I forget to take care of me. When I'm stressed because of this I tend to alienate myself from other people and the tiniest bit of compassion from someone breaks the dam and floods of tears stream from my eyes as I've reached the point of no return. I have to thoroughly assess myself and begin to pull the roots of bitterness that are snaking down into the deep places of my heart.
Bitter, you say? Isn't that a sin? Yes, I get bitter. I'm not proud of it, but it happens. I'm human. It's not easy to admit the carnality that so easily besets us, but for me to be successful it is important to starve those roots and remove them before they take over and mar what God has set as beauty. Of course that is much easier said than done. I have been wronged and I have wronged others. There is regret in that itself.
Recently I gleaned from the wisdom of a friend. She heard a sermon about living in the "now". In the book of Matthew when Jesus performed his first miracle of turning the water into wine, the remarks were not that "you saved the best wine until the end" rather "you saved the best wine until NOW". As her words cascaded down me like a cool stream running down a mountain, taking with it the debris and leaving a clean path in its wake, I received a confirmation to my soul-searching restlessness. I have been at war with myself. The lilt of her words gave me the courage to stop the frantic planning and seeking for the accomplishments of tomorrow. As commonplace as it sounds, I should give today my best go. I should wear my favorite shoes and don a darling hat. I should go ahead and take that trip or get that pedicure. I should smile more and I should spread kindness and compassion always because someone needs it today.
So what now? I'm turning THIRTY in 30 days. I've been saving the best of myself for someone else, for something else, but now that I'm cognitive of it I can change. I'm promising that I will not live my thirties in the shadow or mirrored image of my twenties, neither will I live for the accomplishments that I'm sure to gain in my future. I'll embrace today and all of the wonders that come with it. I'll celebrate the small stuff and enjoy more fully the little blessings that I so easily take for granted. My heart and my house are open. That doesn't mean that I will not continue to have dreams and plans for I find them important. Instead, I will do more to put those plans fo the past into action now and begin living the dreams I've had for so long so I can replace them with newer, bigger, better ones.
Thanks for reading. I hope you start living for today, as well.
Details of my open house party at my beautiful, historic home coming soon!
Coulda, woulda, shoulda...I'm not one of those people who live with the "no regrets" mentality. I do have regrets in a lot of areas of my life, unfortunately. I don't (regularly) obsess about my choices and mistakes. I put forth great effort to live with balance and I'm pretty easy on myself, realizing that I am human and I will make the wrong decisions. Many times I have been found wanting and I didn't quite know what to do about it. I've been blessed to be happy by nature, slow to anger, very quick to forgive. (God is good.) I'm even tempered and strong, yet of a pleasing nature. I've made decisions based upon what I thought others would be pleased with and sometimes come out completely miserable with my circumstances. Begrudgingly I'll admit that I do follow the road to "shoulda" and envision how my life would have been grandiose and more fulfilling had I only made a different decision. I often take on too much because I'm eager and single (so of course my life is super easy! - another blog, another time) and I forget to take care of me. When I'm stressed because of this I tend to alienate myself from other people and the tiniest bit of compassion from someone breaks the dam and floods of tears stream from my eyes as I've reached the point of no return. I have to thoroughly assess myself and begin to pull the roots of bitterness that are snaking down into the deep places of my heart.
Bitter, you say? Isn't that a sin? Yes, I get bitter. I'm not proud of it, but it happens. I'm human. It's not easy to admit the carnality that so easily besets us, but for me to be successful it is important to starve those roots and remove them before they take over and mar what God has set as beauty. Of course that is much easier said than done. I have been wronged and I have wronged others. There is regret in that itself.
Recently I gleaned from the wisdom of a friend. She heard a sermon about living in the "now". In the book of Matthew when Jesus performed his first miracle of turning the water into wine, the remarks were not that "you saved the best wine until the end" rather "you saved the best wine until NOW". As her words cascaded down me like a cool stream running down a mountain, taking with it the debris and leaving a clean path in its wake, I received a confirmation to my soul-searching restlessness. I have been at war with myself. The lilt of her words gave me the courage to stop the frantic planning and seeking for the accomplishments of tomorrow. As commonplace as it sounds, I should give today my best go. I should wear my favorite shoes and don a darling hat. I should go ahead and take that trip or get that pedicure. I should smile more and I should spread kindness and compassion always because someone needs it today.
So what now? I'm turning THIRTY in 30 days. I've been saving the best of myself for someone else, for something else, but now that I'm cognitive of it I can change. I'm promising that I will not live my thirties in the shadow or mirrored image of my twenties, neither will I live for the accomplishments that I'm sure to gain in my future. I'll embrace today and all of the wonders that come with it. I'll celebrate the small stuff and enjoy more fully the little blessings that I so easily take for granted. My heart and my house are open. That doesn't mean that I will not continue to have dreams and plans for I find them important. Instead, I will do more to put those plans fo the past into action now and begin living the dreams I've had for so long so I can replace them with newer, bigger, better ones.
Thanks for reading. I hope you start living for today, as well.
Details of my open house party at my beautiful, historic home coming soon!
1 comment:
Shannon this is an amazing blog. So inspirational.
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